De-Escalation

Every gathering I attended teaches me a new lesson. This summer's gathering in Georgia taught me about the importance of de-escalation even though I did not attend.

Now I'm not saying that de-escalation solves all problems and prevents violence. It is a tool in dealing with other humans on this amazing planet.

Remember we cannot control what other people do, we cannot always control wildfires, floods, or earthquakes, but we can work on our selves and manage our reactions to events external to our individual human body.  So how do we de-escalate a stressful situation and reduce the potential for human violence?

Keeping in mind that every situation is different and every human is different, the first step is to feel what is going on. Feeling includes reading body language, trying to understand words, tone of voice, etc.   Trying to understand as best you can what triggered the situation before you involve yourself is always important although sometimes life doesn't allow you this luxury.

I often start with the words I hear caring parents tell their upset children.  "Please use your words to tell me."  Asking the upset person to put into words what they are feeling about the situation and/or you doing the same by using the personal pronoun is one way to de escalate an argument. Saying "I feel uncomfortable when you do xxxx" rather than "You make me feel xxx."  After all, as grownups, we should learn to own our own emotions.

Avoid defensive behavior. Of course, when someone attacks you verbally or physically, our instinctual response is to fight back. But there are other options. 

When dealing with physical attacks, sometimes you can retreat or step aside. Sometimes you can use the least force necessary to buy time to open up a dialog. This means not letting your emotions control the force you use, but letting your calm rational brain do so. No need to try to kill someone. Sometimes, just restraining a person in as gentle of a manner as is humanly possible for a bit can allow everyone to cool off.

When dealing with verbal attacks, responding with phrases such as "If I understand correctly, your concern is that XXXX"  or "I hear the pain and hurt you are experiencing." Acknowledging the pain and struggles of other people and responding emphatically with love and compassion, is one way a crises can sometimes be de-escalated. Asking another human being questions about their situation when done with care can completely change the vibe. After all, anger and sorrow can often be two sides of the same coin.

When someone is upset, it gets hard for them to rationally listen to the words you say, but your tone of voice, your body language, your relaxed body posture and breathing can help others relax. I have had great success with oming and have seen people who were really upset, catch themselves after a few minutes of oming.  Oming helps us to deepen our breath, many people believe the om encompasses all human language, and many consider it to be a sacred sound. When problems arise, calling on the divine is always appropriate. Singing or playing calming gentle music is often a great option.  Trying to get everyone's breathing to s l o w  d o w n, often helps our rational mind jump back into the picture.

When we get upset our primal brain and sympathetic nervous system jump into action creating a flight or flight response. This is a fantastic part of our brain. It allows mothers to lift automobiles off small children, helps people outrun danger, and gives us the mental ability to respond in an emergency situation without fear. But this same "reaction" can cause an already bad situation to slide downhill quickly.  However, if we can acknowledge the fear or anger that is driving someone's fight or flight response, perhaps we can create a loving space that will allow that person to process their emotions, what ever they are. After all, no emotion is wrong or bad. We all feel what we feel. However, how we respond to feelings makes all the difference in the world.

Allow silence. Don't feel you have to talk all the time. Sometimes, just being silent and breathing gives everyone the opportunity to calm down.

Sometimes, being a calm and grounded witness helps other people calm  down. When someone is in a whirlwind of emotions, the grounded energy that others can provide may rub off.

Sometimes, all you can do is leave the situation to protect yourself or because you are being reactive. That's OK to. Much better to walk out on an argument than let it escalate until someone gets hurt.  Its OK to step away from an argument.

Peace and the Planet (Part 5 of 5 of "Creating Peace")

In order to live in a peaceful world, we need to treat our planet, Gaia, with the respect, love, and attention to her sustenance with which we treat our children. Climate change is the result of mistreating our amazing planet. Climate change is about changing weather patterns that make it hard for people to find drinking water for their children, that create flooding of homes and agriculture land, and that wither our crops under relentless sun.

When people are hungry or thirsty, violence can easily erupt over food and water. Not just in Dafur but everywhere including the gathering.  How then do we show with our actions that we are actively working to protect Gaia from climatic changes that threaten world (and local) peace?

Reduce the number of campfires. Burning carbon increases global warming. Plus if you see the cloud of wood smoke in main meadow at a gathering, you'll realize that reducing the number of campfires will improve the health of every gathering participant. Click here to learn more about the negative impacts of campfires on human and planetary health.

Reduce/reuse/recycle - adopt a zero waste lifestyle. Only buy products that you will consume or that will last you for a long time. For example, buy rice in bulk with reusable containers instead of throw away plastic packaging. Buy reusable forks and knives for a gathering not single use plastics. Packaging and throw away junk contributes to climate change. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency estimates that by cutting the amount of waste we generate back to 1990 levels, we could reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 11.6 million metric tons of carbon equivalent (MTCE), the basic unit of measure for greenhouse gases. To learn more about how what you buy creates climate change, click here.

Plus the less stuff you bring to a gathering, the less stuff YOU need to haul out when you leave. You would be amazed at the amount of camping gear that gets left behind at a gathering.  Re-use that tent or find a loving home for it if you do not want it anymore. Don't leave it behind for the cleanup crew.  YOU are the clean up crew. The less we buy and bring to the gathering, the less clean up we have to do. Buy food in bulk, bring gear to keep you warm and dry and forgot about the rest. Recycling of aluminum cans takes energy which contributes to climate change.  Use reusable stainless steel containers for your beverages and stop giving your money to the multi-national conglomerates like Pepsi and Coca Cola who don't care about the seventh generation and are wrecking your health and the health of the planet.

Put your money where your mouth is. Walk your talk.  We can change this world by spending our money in ways that create the change we want to see in this world. Shop at your local co-ops. Buy locally grown produce. We can make a difference, one person, one family, one clan at a time. Let us follow the wisdom of our Lakota siblings and heal this beautiful planet that gives us so much.

We are the people we have been waiting for to create a future for the next generation. How are you going to step up and create the change for which Gaia is praying?

Together we can change our future

What is Peace? (Part 4 of 5 of "Creating Peace")

A common point of discussion when working towards peace is defining what peace is and isn't, what it looks like, which activities are considered "peaceful" and which are not.

I think at the extreme ends of the spectrum, most people can agree on what peace is and isn't. For example, most people would consider dropping bombs on other people to be the opposite of peace. Most people would consider the silent prayer/meditation for world peace and the om to be examples of peace.

That's the easy stuff. In fact trying to define peace can cause even the most peaceful among us to be less than peaceful.  So what do we do if we say we want peace, but we can't even agree on what peace looks like, feels like, acts like or talks like?

I'll throw out a couple of high level ideas, but even these are subject to much discussion. I hope you continue these discussions in the circles in which you find yourself. If all goes as planned, I will be doing a few workshops at the gathering on "What is Peace and How do We Create Peace?" -- hopefully I won't be the only one.

In Creating Peace, Parts 1 to 3, we looked at some of the foundational aspects of peace (click on the topic "Creating Peace" under Gathering Topics on the right hand side of this blog).
  

What is Peace?

 
First graders have a very good concept of peace (image from Miss Krug's Our Grade One blog):

 
Some people view peace as the absence of war or violence. Perhaps this view comes to us from  Ancient Greece in the goddess Eirene the goddess of peace, who also celebrates decisive battles that end wars. If we subscribe to this paradigm, we probably are following the axiom "the ends justify the means."

Another high level view of peace is one that focuses on harmony and tranquility that can take the form of an inner state or a state between people. We can say she is always tranquil and peaceful or they have a harmonious marriage.

Peace can be considered as cooperation between people in a social group or culture to maintain a certain level of social order. Keep in mind that slavery existed in the USA during times of peace and for me, slavery does not equal peace.

Liberian Women for Peace

The Global Peace Index (GPI) attempts to identify countries by their level of peacefulness focusing on various formal military measures, prisoners per capita, refugees, wars, etc. 


In the last hundred years, peace has been tightly coupled with the idea of non-violence. So now we have to define what non-violence is and how non-violent  methods contribute towards creating peace. Now I'm sure most of you are familiar with the teaching of the Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. -- all of which emphasis non-violence --another problematic concepts. Defining non-violence is just as hard as defining peace (but I think by now you know how to approach this issue.)

The Dalai Lama offers these words, "Peace can only last where human rights are respected, where the people are fed, and where individuals and nations are free." Of course now we have to figure out what "free" really means. For example, do we include the freedom to harm others in free? Or are your freedoms curtailed when they impact my freedoms? How does your pollution impact my freedom?

Peace is often negotiated between groups of people. For example, a family, school, city or state negotiate what they see as peace.

International Alerts writes, "Peace is when people are able to resolve their conflicts without violence."  

If the absence of violence is our definition of peace, we end up with enforced peace. Sometimes peace is enforced by governments and when the force disappears so does the peace. I would argue that this is not a true peace. Perhaps it is a moment when true peace can take hold or perhaps it is just a halt to the fighting for a short period of time.

Working towards peace is nothing new. In 1915, the Women's Peace Party traveled to Europe on the Peace Ship to try to negotiate peace during World War I. We all know how that turned out.

Even clowns get into the mix with World Peace Clowns. Check out the link to Patch Adams - an early gatherer.

Am I always a peaceful person?  That's a good question. I try to be, but then again, what seems peaceful to me, may not be peaceful to another person. How then to resolve all these paradigms of peace?

One method we use at the Rainbow Gathering during a conflict is to sit in a circle and give everyone an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings, recommend solutions, discuss options and try to find a win-win solution. 

Another method that works well both within the gathering and outside the gathering is the idea of zoning.  Some camps like to be up late at night making lots of noise. Other camps prefer the early to bed, early to rise model. When these two camps are next to each other conflict arises which then removes peace. Neither camp is right or wrong. The issue is that they just are not compatible in close proximity. Zoning is what this is called in the big city.

 The Answer to the Question: What is Peace?

The short answer is I do not have one answer.

The long answer is that I hope I've gotten you thinking about your own actions and peace as well as the community around you and peace.

I believe in peace as something we "practice" much like meditation rather than something we "get" such as a new pair of shoes. The more people practice peace, the strong the peace becomes. The more experience we have with the practice of peace, the better we get at it.

The muse of peace invites you to come to the gathering and practice your peace with this crazy family I so dearly love. This family will test your patience, change the way you look at the world and yourself, teach you new things, and provide a wonderful opportunity to "practice peace" with others. I hope to see you at the 4th of July Silent Prayer/Meditation for World Peace in Main Meadow practicing your peace.

"The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart. The most powerful weapon you can be is an instrument of peace." ~~~~ Carlos Santana
 

Shanti Sena Basics

Some would say the phrase “Shanti Sena” means “peace army” from Sanskrit and has its roots in Gandhi’s concept of non-violent volunteer based peace keepers. While in gathering lore, some would translate the phrase as peace scene.  No matter the logical translation you wish to put on it, I translate it as being part of a family and looking out for my family in peaceful ways.

In the years of the strife between gatherers and the United States Forest Service Law Enforcement Officers (USFS LEOs), the phrase came to spell trouble for the LEOs and by 2008/2009 many gatherers actually thought the cops were the Shanti Sena (so not true). Because of the many misconceptions floating around, I thought I would take the time to rap about my perspective on keeping the peace at a gathering.

As many of my friends point out, “Shanti Sena” is a verb not a noun. In other words, no one “is” Shanti Sena, but many people “do” Shanti Sena. Most functions at the gathering are verb rather than noun based.

In a culture where individual liberty and communal needs often clash, countless opportunities arise to “do” Shanti Sena and keep the peace.

Before we worry about keeping the peace, we need to define “peace.”  For different people, “peace” takes on different connotations. For some, acting peacefully precludes any acts of physical violence, but yelling is considered peaceful. For others, cussing is not peaceful. For every one hundred gatherers, there are probably ninety different perspectives on what “peace” means. When we gather, I believe that 99.999% of gatherers have every intention of creating peace. We’ll get back to the 0.001% later.  So how then do we create and increase the peace at the gathering and take those skills into the world at large?

In my perspective, the single most important aspect to “doing” Shanti Sena is to be observant. Sure there are big movies that happen and lots of gray haired folks get involved with radios, but most of the time when a big movie happens, the root cause was a failure of each and every one of us to pay attention to the hurt, suffering, pain and/or stress building up around us.  (As an aside, not everyone with a radio has a clue.)

Reality check!  Going to a gathering, especially for the first time, can be very stressful. It’s a crash course in a brand new culture. Access to food and filtered drinking water can be hazardous. Being unprepared for the conditions can leave people cold and wet or sitting up by a fire all night to stay warm instead of sleeping. Many people who take medications for chronic conditions often seem to space out on taking their meds, leaving their health further compromised. Dehydration, low blood sugar, and lack of sleep are just a few of the stressors gatherers experience -- add to that doing activities or substances that are new to you. When one small thing goes wrong, people who are stressed out can explode.

Being observant means noticing that some belly is having a hard time or a bad day. Allowing each of us to be our own unique self means not telling other people what to do. Telling people to eat or drink can backfire. So what’s a kind loving brother or sister to do?

Pay attention to the people around you. Notice if they seem to be struggling, are confused or look disoriented. Offer to share your water or an energy bar you might have on you (always good to bring lots of these). Introduce yourself and make a friend. Usually people are more willing to share their troubles with a friend, than someone just trying to fix a problem. Share a song or a joke if the vibe feels right. Sometimes people are in their own head space and don’t want to interact. That’s OK.  You can still stay near them (but not too near) just in case they need help. If it’s two am, please don’t walk away from someone. If someone wants to wander the woods all night, grab a couple of friends and trail after them just in case they need your assistance.

If someone doesn’t have a safe place to sleep, try to hook them up with a camp that can help. If they have small children, Kid Village is a great place. But there are lots of other kind loving camps at the gathering that have the space to squeeze another body into a crowded tent or provide emotional support. If you yourself are new to the gathering (blessings to you for helping others), you can stop by INFO and ask for some advise.

If you find a lost kid, you and a couple of friends should escort the child to Kid Village. Make sure to take the child up to the kitchen and announce very loudly that you have a lost child. DO NOT JUST DROP THE CHILD OFF AT KID VILLAGE. 

If someone is having a health crisis and is willing, take her/him to CALM. Most of the larger kitchens/camps like Fat Kids, Montana Mud, Loven Ovens, and Kid Village (to name just a few) have medical people as well. If the person isn’t willing to move, find someone with a radio and medical people will come to your location. If that doesn’t work, send a runner to INFO or CALM with as much information as you have about the situation. By taking care of people’s critical needs before people reach the point of explosion, we create the peace we want to see in the world.

Other times we have conflicts that arise from differing lifestyles. For example in 2002, the gathering site was small and we ended up with Tea Time and Yoga Space next to each other. Talk about a mismatch in energies. Tea Time likes to stay up all night, serve tea and make raucous noise at 3 AM. The Yoga folks are more into silent mediation and mellow energy. Two distinct energies colliding is a classic gathering issue. If we want each camp to be free to express their own vision of peace and love, what to do?  When space permits, it’s always best to camp in an area that meets your vision of what comprises peace and love. So don’t be expecting to sleep in silence until noon every day if you’re camped in Kid Village as kids wake up early.  But ….

As to the 0.001%, when the situation gets a bit crazy, yell “Shanti Sena” and other people will come and assist. With a circle of people, we can try to get a council going where the parties’ involved and random calm and centered gatherers can sit down and listen to each other.  Keep in mind that sometimes people’s emotions are volatile and getting a council going is difficult at best. Then what?

SITTING down on the sidelines and oming tends to help ground energies. If nothing else, it makes misbehaving people feel a bit silly and often times that breaks up the situation. This doesn’t mean the root cause of the problem is solved, but at least it buys some time and space to work on the issues. I’ve experienced a beautiful voice singing an appropriate song calm everyone down as well. Peaceful, mellow music helps everyone feel better.

Sometimes problems don’t seem resolved at the time. That’s OK. Rainbow magic takes time to work. I’ve sat in circles with people who were full of anger. At some point the primary people stomped out of the circle and didn’t return.  Then a day or two or three later, I ran into those same people again, very happy and peaceful. Rainbow magic doesn’t always have a logical cause and effect.  Sometimes, just hanging out with someone for six hours prevents someone from getting lost in the woods (yes it really happens and if it’s cold out can be a cause of death), drowning in a lake (yes this has happened multiple times at gatherings) or wandering up to the road and getting arrested (you know this happens). Plus you’ve just made a new friend. The more we get to know each other, the more we create community. The more we actively work on creating community, the more we increase the peace.

If you are not able to help when the universe calls you, please, please, please, make sure someone else helps. Ask others for assistance, guide the person to one of the larger kitchens, go to INFO or CALM and let them know what’s going on. Be the change you want to see in the world.

Many years, we have Shanti Sena councils or workshops at the gathering where people who have “done” more Shanti Sena share the lessons they’ve learned with those who have “done” less or no Shanti Sena. As with everything gathering related, we are all of us teachers and all of us students. In the spirit of sharing other ideas on what Shanti Sena is and does, here are some other voices on the subject.


From Welcome Home with links to multiple Shanti Sena Raps by well respected family (must read).
From Niman - a scholarly look
From Medicine Socks
Rap 121
My Rap from 2008

Ask not what the gathering can do for you; ask what you can do for the gathering.

We are our brothers and sisters keepers.

Sustenance and Safety (Part 3 of 5 of "Creating Peace")

One of the foundations of creating peace is making sure people are prepared, in the right mindset, and able to do the hard work that creating peace entails. Sustenance and Safety are the building blocks of peace.


Sustenance takes care of our bodily needs. We can't think well when our blood sugar is crashing or when we are dehydrated. Adequate food and water is a must for all in order to be able to even discuss peace (stay tuned for part 4 of Creating Peace).

One of the most important actions a person can take at a gathering is making sure everyone is eating and drinking plenty of water. This year we will be in the east and that generally means moister gatherings and lot's of sweating. One gallon a day of water that has been boiled for 20 minutes or filtered with a 0.2 micron or smaller filter is a must.

When people haven't eaten or are dehydrated they act out. When they are in these conditions for too long, they get sick.  When you combine these issues with over-indulgences, we have a recipe for problems that can impact the entire gathering.

Prevent the problems by making sure you and the people in your vicinity are eating and staying hydrated. Be on the look out for people who look like they aren't getting food and/or water and help them before they start breaking the peace. 

Now for the tough topic: safety.

Safety is a bit harder to come by because what constitutes a feeling of safety is a very subjective and emotional feeling.  To explain what I mean, we'll talk about the estuary by my house.  The salt marsh and estuary have been channelized to prevent flooding and on either bank is a trail. The east side is a paved path that hooks up with bike paths to the north and south. The west side is a dirt road with trees providing shade on a warm day as shown in the image.

The Estuary

People in my neighborhood have very different perspectives on the estuary. Some people view it as a haven for criminals and are afraid to go down there especially after dark. Other people loving taking their kids down to watch the Great Blue Herons and Osprey trying to rustle up a meal.

Now you would think there is some logic as to who feels safe at our estuary and who is scared, but so far I haven't observed any patterns.  I see people with small kids down there watching the sunset and in the early morning many seniors walk their dogs. Then I meet other people in their thirties and forties who are scared to go down without a large group of people because once upon a time someone had a bike stolen (maybe 10 or 15 years ago).

In addition to the herons and hawks at the estuary, one finds the differentially housed: people who live in tents or throw down a sleeping bag under a bush for the night.  Some people are scared of people with different lifestyles then their own, others exchange pleasantries with everyone. Some people who live in non-portable houses are scared of the differentially housed. Others make friends.

Every time I speak at a community meeting, some people go off the deep end on how dangerous the estuary is and others talk about how it's an asset to the community.  I know that I can't change people's opinions about which is which. Plus trying to address how people feel is tough. Your feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are.

Low crime rates do not make people feel safe. Community makes us feel safe.

So having said all this, how do we help everyone feel safe at the gathering?

One way we can do this is to treat others the way they would like to be treated -- not the way you would like to be treated.  Try finding gentler voices. Look out for each other in peaceful ways and make sure the people in your vicinity seem comfortable. We all have different levels of tolerance, sensitivity, and fear. Honor that.

If someone looks uncomfortable, they probably are. Introduce yourself. Smile at someone you do not know.  We all feel more comfortable when we are around friends. Share your gathering wisdom. Pay more attention to body language. Learn to pick up vibes from the people around you. If you sense that someone is afraid of a situation, help them to feel comfortable by either staying with them, removing both yourselves from the situation, or trying talking to the other person about their fears in a supportive way.  Just because the situation is comfortable for you, doesn't mean it's comfortable for everyone.

Honor our differences and our need to be treated accordingly. Help each other on this journey.

Please pay special attention to law enforcement officers. A scared cop is a dangerous cop (remember Wyoming 2008?). Turn down the volume on negative energy by oming instead of cussing when you do not like a situation.

Think about how you would like others to act around your three year-old child and your ninety year-old grandmother and act accordingly.

Love (Part 2 of 5 of "Creating Peace")

The rainbow family is full of love. We shout "we love you" to the sky, to other gathers, to the earth upon which we gently walk.  I have many friends whose children were conceived at the gathering.  We shower love as best we can on people who are unhappy about our presence in their neighborhood. We love all our siblings (brothers, sisters and transgenders), even the ones we do not like all that much.  We love the person who didn't pick up their dog shit, but we want to talk to them about it as well.

We even have a somewhat sarcastic phrase "loven you" to indicate our concern without being too mushy. With all these types of love floating around, how does love contribute to creating peace? Does the manner in which we love matter or does it matter more how we express our love?

In English we are limited as we have one word for love. The ancient Greeks had four separate words for love:

• storge - kinship or familiarity
• philia - friendship
• eros - romantic and or sexual feelings
• agape - self-emptying or divine love

Spanish has many words for love:

• encantar - indicating strong like
• gustar mucho - indicating strong like
• querer - to love romantically, to want
• afición - enthusiasm
• amado - sweetheart 
• amor - pure love, romantic love
• caridad - charity

Love is also an emotion. A very strong and powerful emotion.  How many of you have made decisions based on amar, agape, caridad, eros, and storage? I'm guessing everyone.

For the romantics among us, love is what creates beautiful art, amazing music, and sleepless nights.

For the biologists among us, love is a biological function like hunger or thirst that creates attachments between people, thereby insuring their survival in a dangerous and hostile world.

For the psychologists among us, love is not only a feeling, but a series of actions. 

Unconditional love is a common theme of most of the major belief systems and is one of the often unspoken foundations of participating in the phenomenon commonly called the Rainbow Gathering.

So what does all this have to do with creating a culture of peace?

Well besides being a slogan from the 1960s, using love as a way to create connections strengthens our interpersonal relationships. If we love someone with whom we disagree, we are highly motivated to find a solution that meets the needs of everyone.  If we have no personal attachment to other living beings, then we can more easily ignore their perspective and we often do not care about their  happiness.

Yet loving each of our siblings all the time is challenging. Some of our siblings act out, behave poorly, don't clean up after themselves, steal, fight, or are just downright mean. What then?

Then we muster our agape and our caridad and try to make that connection. We try to befriend our siblings. By finding a connection, we are creating a relationship. It may be storage it may be afición, but if we can love another person in the worst situation, then maybe we can use that relationship to work towards peace.


But to be clear, loving someone does not mean you accept all their actions.


True love is being able to love your siblings while calling them on their bullshit (in a loving manner). 

True love is being able to communicate in a loving way why specific actions are hurting you, the planet, or other living creature.

True love is a meditative practice we undertake as we deal with the frustrations, interruptions, disappointments and annoyances that fill our lives.

 Let your mantra for this year's gathering be I love all my siblings and this beautiful planet we call home.

Love is the path towards peace.

Respect (Part 1 of 5 of "Creating Peace")

The gathering of the tribes is dedicated to creating peace on earth and the positive evolution of the planet. Sometimes peace seems so hard to attain, it can be helpful to focus on strategies that create opportunities for peace.  Today's concept is "Respect."

From the beginning, the gathering included concepts of respect. The invite to the first gathering in 1972 started off:

We, who are brothers & sisters, children of God, families of life on earth, friends of nature & of all people, children of humankind calling ourselves Rainbow Family Tribe, humbly invite:
All races, peoples, tribes, communes, men, women, children, individuals -- out of love.
All nations & national leaders -- out of respect
All religions & religious leaders -- out of faith

 If I were authoring the invite today, I would modify it to:
All races, peoples, tribes, communes, men, women, children, individuals -- out of respect and love.

So how then does respect contribute to creating peace?

Peace needs nurturing and dialog to plant its roots and grow.  Peace needs food and water.  If we do not respect the needs of peace and honor those needs, we are doomed to failure.  So how then do we go about creating respect at our gatherings?

When we gather, we are a community with a diversity of backgrounds, religious beliefs, political affiliations, interests, hopes and dreams. Honor that diversity in each of us -- our differences are what make us capable and interesting. Our connections are what make us strong.


The following ideas are commonly shared ideas, I didn't invent them, but I find it helpful to be reminded of them.


Respect is one of the core values in our attempts to create an egalitarian culture. By approaching my family with respect I am laying the roots for a relationship. By treating people the way they wish to be treated, I can connect with others. If I offer respect to another person, that person is more likely to offer respect to me and to others. People who are treated with respect, learn how to treat others with respect.

We are all part of this big, wonderful planet called earth and hence we are all connected. Rather than trying to severe these connections, let's strengthen them. In 1994 at the Wyoming annual gathering, a forest fire occurred at the edge of the gathering up on a ridge. We formed a human bucket line from the creek at the bottom of the meadow to the ridge. None of us could have individually carried enough water up that hill quickly enough to put out that fire. But standing shoulder to shoulder and passing buckets hand to hand, we connected water and fire and extinguished the flames.


Separate issues from people in a respectful manner. When someone is engaging in non-respectful behavior, respect the person enough to explain why the behavior is creating an issue that needs to be addressed.  And always focus on the behavior that is the issue.

Acknowledge the emotions behind the inappropriate behavior and ask the person if they could refrain from the behavior and share their feelings with us instead. We all do this with our children when we refrain from saying "you're bad" and instead say "you made a poor choice"  or "please use your words to tell your brother why you are upset instead of hitting him."  Why can't we use this same method with adults?  Especially those of us who are children in the bodies of adults.

As the early gatherers (or earlies as they are more commonly known) wrote a long time ago "we are all of us children" as we are just now learning how to live with each other.  Be patient. Some of us learn more quickly and some of us learn less quickly. We all started from different places so we all have different journeys ahead of us. Let's be fellow travelers on this uncharted sea.

Everyone has an opinion and their opinion is no better nor worse than my opinion or your opinion. When we create space for people to freely share their thoughts without fear or judgement, we are creating a space where we respect each other.

Listen. We show our respect to others by listening to what they have to say. We not only listen with our ears, but our hearts, our minds, our souls, and our hands.  When people feel heard, they feel respected. When they feel respected, they are more likely to respect others.

Respect is an important starting point for creating peace.